Not capable of quickies- says who!

Imagine living your life without physical touch on your own! The only way to get or give touch would be with a help from third person or extended equipment. Basic hug or quick kiss to someone on the cheek would be so demanding that it needs a third person to succeed the small gesture. The physical touch which I’m going to refer here is sex between two people with mobility restriction.

Until the end of 1960’s the law forced those whom weren’t “normal” human beings to sterilization, so they wouldn’t reproduce. Even though forced sterilization is in the pass, the sex between people with disabilities is still huge taboo. (Räty 2016) As it shouldn’t, in my opinion it should be as normal as saying hello to your friend.

We all have had that feeling “down there”, the huge urge to get quickie with the partner, right? What do we do, we take care of it on our own or with the partner, no questions asked by anyone or to anybody! What does the person with mobility disabilities do? They ask for help from the personal assistant, to put them into wished position, using crane for instance or they might need to wait until the next morning when the personal assistant whom is willing to help and have knowledge comes to work or never at all. By the time a correct position has been found or a correct person has arrived to give assistance – in worst case, the whole situation has gone already. No time for quickies!

“Every human being is a sexual being.” https://www.aamulehti.fi/a/24061783

And most of us see assisting during sex being the awkward part but asking help from someone is ten times more difficult, if you ask me. But gladly some clients have understanding, well educated and willing personal assistants, whom are ready to help their clients with anything.

I read about this one couple who both have separate personal assistant’s with incredible attitude towards their client’s sexual needs getting met. The personal assistant to the man has been his assistant for years. She knows and understands from little hints that he wants to do something with the wife without asking. In the video the personal assistant explains that it’s just a normal assisting duty to her and during the session, if she is needed, she might think of what errands she has to run after work. She was also ok to give them their privacy until they are finished and wait for to be called in to assist. (Yle 07.10.2019) In my opinion this show great amount of appreciation to the clients needs as well as willingness to have education and knowledge to the taboo subject.  

As I search for material about sex between mobility restricted people, I came to realize that there is a lot of support and guidance out there for the personal help to assist those with mobility restrictions. For example:  Kynnys ry and Sexpo foundation have published a guide book “Avusta ja ohjaa seksissä turvallisesti” (Assist and guide sex safely). (Aamulehti 2016) We should start spreading awareness of the subject, so it is seen as a normal every day assisting moment for the client. Sure, we can’t force anybody to support or assist in this matter, but at least we can ask them to read and get acquainted with the existing material.

To carry my part in, I’m willing in the future get familiar and educated in this field so when the situation occurs, I’m ready to assist in any way it’s appropriate and needed. How about you?

References:

Maskonen Roosa, Yle uutiset 07.10.2019: Vaikeasti liikuntavammaiset Raila ja Miika Riikonen tarvitsevat toisen ihmisen apua kaikessa, myös seksissä. Accessed 19.10.2019 https://yle.fi/uutiset/3-11000972

Otsamo Kirsikka, Aamulehti 11.11.2016: Tämä on ollut tabu: Vammainen ihminen on oikeutettu seksiin- uusi opas avustajille neuvoo käytännöt. Accessed: 19.10.2019 https://www.aamulehti.fi/a/24061783

Räty Maija, Masturbaatio ilman käsiä, 2016. Accessed 19.10.2019

Yksi kommentti artikkeliin ”Not capable of quickies- says who!

  1. Yasmin

    This is a very good post Riina! I think you also quite courageously wrote about this matter, because like you said it is seen to be a bit of a taboo. Also, you are absolutely right that at the end of the day we are all human and everyone has their individual needs. We are also quite lucky that in Finland there are sites to visit to get advise from etc. where as I can only imagine many other countries not having any, nor willing assistants to help.
    I think that you wrote this post really well and it was easy to follow!

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