Troubling things

I’m Henrietta and this is my life. I am studying social services in English. I have stayed in Spain for many times and I will do my exchange there the next year. My best friend lives in Spain. My Russian speaking parents live most of the year in Spain. I love travelling and I have a lot of friends in different countries. My boyfriend and his family are from Congo and speak Kinyarwanda.  

So, tell me, am I 100% Finnish person who´s home is in Finland? 

No, I am not. I can´t say that I share the Finnish culture as my own. I was born to a family who are Finnish but used to live in Russia before I was born, and we had a lot of Russian friends. My father was teaching Russian in courses for adults and I always attended as a helper for him. My parents belonged to a Russian church congregation. In my childhood I was surrounded by Russian language. We never celebrated basic Finnish holidays.  

When I got older, we started to travel a lot to Canary Islands. I started learning both Spanish and English. During my teenage years I learned even more Spanish when hanging around my Spanish friends. I was in an English church congregation where I had most of my friends from. I travelled, lived and studied in Tenerife. Since my teenage years I have been travelling mostly alone around Europe, meeting a lot of friends from different cultures and backgrounds.  

I met my boyfriend a couple years ago. He is originally from Congo, but he has lived in Finland for 11 years. When we met, he was living on his own in Kajaani and a half a year later I moved in with him. We have some cultural differences for example the way act in front of our parents and family. Sometimes people look at us in a weird way when we are outside like we are not supposed to walk together or something. We have faced some bad comments also from random people. This is not only coming from Finnish people but also from the people of his culture, so we face racism from both sides.  

Most of my friends have an immigrant or foreign background. Many times, I have heard comments from other people about me hanging out with immigrants. Sometimes I feel like I am lost with my culture, my own surroundings. When I am around my Finnish friends I feel like I am not a part of them and my customs are from other cultures, but when I am with my immigrant friends and my boyfriend’s family I feel like I am not a part of them either and I start to miss  Finnish things.  

Why do I have to be just a one thing? What is being Finnish? 

Always people have had the need to put other people into boxes. The concept of a Finnish person is outdated. Finland is globalizing constantly. The cliché of a person who is white, blond, speaks Finnish as a native language, lives in Finland, has a Finnish name, owns a Finnish attitude and character does not work anymore.  

I feel like as a Finn I am expected to be more “Finn”. Like me going to a summer cottage, listening to Finnish pop music, being a girlfriend of a Finn.  

For me it is the hardest thing to understand and face that how other Finnish people won´t accept the diversity and differences and can´t see it as a positive thing. It is hard to face racism because of love, because of my relationships. It is hard for me to integrate with this culture, to find my place in the society as a part of Finnish community.  

To make integration easier for me as well as for other, the concept of a Finnish person needs to change also as the common attitudes. We can´t fight against it. Finland is changing along with Finns with it. I am expected to do or have something to define me as more Finnish.  

I know that in my future I will have a multicultural family. It is my dream to have a family with my boyfriend but also it is my fear. I don´t want it to be hard for my children, or for us as a family. Before even having children, I want to make sure that they would have a safety net built by friends from different cultures and backgrounds. Can I give a home to my children when even I don´t know where my home is?  

Suurin osa Showcasen blogeista on toteutettu osana Laurean opintojaksoja. Koko koulutustarjontaamme voi tutustua nettisivuillamme. Tarjoamme kymmenien tutkintoon johtavien koulutuksien lisäksi myös paljon täydennys- ja erikoistumiskoulutuksia sekä yksittäisiä opintojaksoja avoimen AMK:n kautta!

6 ajatusta aiheesta “Troubling things”

  1. A big thank you for your open letter to us here, Ms Henrietta. I can very easily relate to your story and journey, feelings and thoughts on multi-cultural, cross-cultural, international settings in our lives. And how to define ourselves? I have come a long way trying to balance it all and make peace with it when it has felt like a burdening pressure from many sides to fit in and be an average package of something-which-fits-the-box.

    Some years ago I decided that I have a right to be what I am and represent what I have in a way that does not need to fit in a definition of a very narrow-minded setting. I have a right (as you also) be an untypical Finn and yet be a cosmopolitan citizen. I have a right to be seen loud and clear with my West-African Beloved and the African community members, not to mentioned other international circles. With my head held high!

    It has been a long journey and not an easy one but once you learn how to stand your ground and be proud of your crazy-good-cocktail-cultural-mix, it will be awesome, dear Henrietta. Be brave! Hold your head up high!

    1. Thanks for your comment and encouraging words Petra! It feels good that someone can relate to my feelings and experiences. This is one thing that makes me feel like home, to have people around me who share the same as I do.

      I am very proud of you and the decisions what you made some years ago, as I am proud of myself too. We both haven´t chose ” the easiest life” and ” the easiest relationship”, but why would it even need to be “easy” for others? I believe that we are both happy of these choises and all this has made us stronger as persons, ready to be challenged even more. No matter how people see us, as long as we see ourselves happy.

      Anyway this world is changing constantly. After 10-20 years, what is even a typical Finn? What is even typical?

      BTW I love this word: crazy-good-cocktail-cultural-mix!!

      With love, Hene

  2. Thank you Henrietta for sharing your own experiences.
    I think there is no one definition for being a Finn. I think it’s the person’s own experience… If you feel that you are a Finn, then you are…I don’t believe that it’s something that can be told from the outside.
    Good text, it woke up a lot of thoughts!

  3. Thank you for your openness! These things trouble many of us, and surely there is no ready-made answer to these questions. I think every one of us has to find our own identity along the way, because it gets influenced by so many things. But once you find it, you can live life a bit differently, with integrity, with confidence. And it is totally ok to have many layers of our identity, just like a beautiful diamond has many sides. The more sides it has, the valuable it is:)

    1. Thanks for your comment and encouraging words Monika!

      Like you just said it, finding an own identity if a journey, sometimes even very complicated. It is affected by many things in our lives also constantly molding. It is a roadtrip to understand ourselves and the more we travel forward, the more we learn and grow our identity and the more stronger we are. Maybe that is one of the meanings of life 🙂

      With love, Hene